We Build Digital Assets

All hail the insurrection against the stale state of the world wide web. We arm endeavors big and small with creative ones and zeros. Yes comrade, call to action digital assets engorged with the power of sedition and strategized for total domination of customer, competitor and ROI. In short, we build shit for the web. Be it a whole brand from doormat to mausoleum, or just a small one month social media reach around. We are capable of cogent art, or if nothing else making the spending of your advertising dollars a memorable experience.

The Provisioners

Sven Dota

pronoun: Yon

Exiled from Sorø Denmark, San Francisco rescued this Great Dane back in the spring of 2007, Sven is our resident Backend Barbarian who obtained an actual computer science degree from the University of Copenhagen circa 2003. He is a three time log rolling champion of the Lumber Jack Games Held in Hayward Wisconsin. Sven is also a keen knitter and is an original member of SF Men Knit. If your lucky, and in the castro on a brisk summers eve you might just catch a glimps of Sven poaching bear in the most exquisite cable-knit shorts.

Dn. Veruca Eunukki

pronoun: All

A Maven of Marketing, Seductress of Social Media and All-Round Succulent Femme Fatale. Let Veruca go bare back on your social media campaigns, guaranteed blisters will arise along with likes, shares, follows and your bottom line. Veroo-roo’s a Finn from the Kallio district in Helsinki Finland. fluent Finnish, Swedish, Sami and Kinbaku-bi (緊縛美). Sports a DN, Doctor of Naprapathy form The Naprapat School Stolkholm Sweeden and a minor in Chandlery. God bless the child that’s got his own.

Rhonda Klump

pronoun: Aught

Our bi-coastal shooter and our favorite Todger Dodger, whelped and trained in the quaint ol’ towne of Plain View, Long Island, where aught still summers to this day. This drag king has a hunger for Harleys and an unquenchable thirst for sweet-n-petite pinay. Klump is fanatically driven to expose a girthy lens to the beauty in this world and does so with the most compelling results. Rhonda holds a master’s from Hofstra University in Gender and Women’s Studies and is also a certified Small Engine Repair Technician from Barry Tech, so you can rest assured your photography should be nothing less than stellar.

Nina Häɐgen-Dazs

pronoun: Ours/She

Thee Manipulatrix of Search Engine Optimization, The Killer Culler of Bounce Rates, the most Stunning Succubus of Backlinks and the Pied Piper of Accounting—Nina’s sobriquet, Frühstücksfleisch, (or just Früh), which is german for breakfast meat. Früh is the hoof glue of our tight-knit gaggle of well psilo-ozempified yentas & mithli. When the Früh ain’t at the shop tickling the Apple Magic Ivories, or out busting knee caps of the naypayers, shes a Classically Trained Soprano Coloratura from the National University of Music Bucharest and is the Choirmaster at Auditory Oral School of San Francisco.

Conrad Lewis

pronoun: Thon

Conrad Conrad Conrad, say thons name thrice due to it’s nice and also thons deaf in one ear. Connie went AWOL from Alo House in Malibu back on February 2 2016. XFINK conscripted yong Conrad from the HWY 5 North bound on-ramp at Anderson’s Split Pea. Con has come a long way since thons recovery and hepatic transplant, C-rad heads up the XF ’s snack drawer and art direction. The Rhode Island School of Design expelled our crown jewel in the year of our lord 2008 with 5/8 of an MFA in graphic design.

Mimi Tan

pronoun: Knowone/She

Not Stacked Full Stack Developer, God found it fit to put most her mass above her shoulders with nothing left for boulders, She knows more than all of us combine, when we’re at the dead line with not much to show Mimi is our Ma’am, thank you Ms. Tan.

Experienced Full Stack Developer with a demonstrated history of working in the computer software industry. Skilled in HTML5, CSS3, Javascript, AngularJS, Node.js, MongoDB, Java, and leadership. Strong engineering professional with a Bachelor of Science (B.S.) in Electrical, Electronics, and Communications Engineering from the University of California, Irvine. Also proficient in TypeScript, React, Svelte, Deno, Rust, Go, Python, Elixir, AWS Lambda, and Cloudflare Workers. Familiar with GraphQL, PostgreSQL, and other modern development tools. Additionally experienced with legacy technologies including COBOL, Lisp, Fortran, and Assembly, with academic background in Sanskrit and historical programming paradigms.

Her Late Majesty
Queen Kettle

pronoun: Them

HM Queen Kettle, London Bridge is Down. On The Twenty-Fifth Day of October, in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty HM Oueen Kettle left us stripped bare. Never was there anything that mattered more. By your name we rise and rally.

HM Queen Spoon

pronoun: Thems

The Queen is dead, long live the Queen, On The Eighth Day of February, in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty One the accession of a queen regnant.

Frumnom de guerre
Whitecotton-Steinorsteen

pronoun: ₪

XFINK’sSenior Diaper and toady dilettante. If Golda Meir and Mel Gibson ever had a love child, it would possibly spawn the likes of Frum, Should Be and Totally Committed, are phrases we find describes him best. A Virgo to the bone and an avid masterbator, you will most likely find this Myers-Briggs INTJ-A staring at a monitor, through a lens, or at your daughter, but when the day comes to fruition something beautiful will be accomplished, you can count on it, it’s a major condition of his parole.

Stir It Up, Don’t Eat It.

—alas lather rinse repeat is poetry